Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
