Can Purell be used as lube?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
