I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is the high leading the old right now
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
