Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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