you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
