but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
