omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
