Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
