why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
