When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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