HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
