you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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