Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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