I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
