I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
