If that was your dad, he is hot
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
