I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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