I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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