uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Damn victory sex feels great
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
