I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
