I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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