I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
