I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
