WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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