chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
