Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
