pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
