I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
