if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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