Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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