he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
