Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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