I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
