id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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