Got a toothbrush?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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