it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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