I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
