I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
