just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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