her vagina looked like bernie madoff
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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