dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
