Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
