don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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