I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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