when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
