i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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