I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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