Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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