a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
