next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
